Making Space for Godly Friendships

On the desire to be known, the courage to be vulnerable, and the beauty of relationships surrendered to Christ.

By LaNell Grant

Being known intimately by God is one of the greatest gifts we can receive. His presence through our trials and tribulations, our highs and lows, our confusion, and the many transitions of life bring a comfort that nothing else can provide.

But God, the magnificent and masterful architect of all creation, also designed us for relationship with one another. In Genesis 2:18, we see God declare that it is not good for man to be alone. Although this passage speaks specifically to God’s provision of a suitable companion for Adam and the establishment of marriage, it also points toward a broader truth we see throughout Scripture: human beings were not created to live in isolation.

We have this beautiful assurance that we are fully known by God, yet we live on this earth among other people with a deep desire to be known by them, too. I believe it’s one of our most innate human desires. But it’s no secret that relationships can be tough to navigate.

As an artist, I have found it both essential and transformative to understand that I cannot confuse the affirmation of man with being known intimately.

There is a difference between being seen and being known.

And there is an even greater difference between being celebrated and being loved.

The Gift of Being Known

First and foremost, I am known by my Creator, the God who fashioned me, knows the depths of my heart, knows every hair on my head, and has a will and purpose for my life. I am also blessed to be known by my very large, energetic, and wonderfully boisterous family. But another group of people who have fundamentally changed the trajectory of my life are my homies, as I affectionately call them.

Being known by godly friends has created a sense of security that I didn’t fully appreciate before experiencing it. Not because my security rests in people, but because I have come to trust the Lord’s design for my life, including the people He has graciously brought into it.

People can celebrate who they believe you are without ever knowing who you are in real life. At minimum, I’ve found it to be an occupational hazard. At maximum, I’ve found it to be downright dangerous and growth-stunting.

When people only see our accomplishments, gifts, and outward character, it can be difficult for them to recognize when something is amiss.

But godly friends? They know you.

They know your strengths, but they also know your weaknesses. They can recognize when you’re operating from a place of pride, fear, or insecurity. They can affirm what God is doing in your life while simultaneously holding your feet to the fire.

And what a grace that is!

No person on earth can know us completely in the way that God does. Nor should we expect them to fulfill a longing that ultimately finds its satisfaction in Christ. But the Lord is kind to us. And in His kindness, He allows our paths to cross with people who help us see ourselves more clearly through the lens of His Word.

Being known is a gift. And godly friendship is one of the beautiful ways we experience the goodness of God.

The Cost of Performing

We live in a world where it can feel as though we’re constantly on display. There is an incessant pressure to present the most polished, accomplished, and desirable versions of ourselves. Our social media profiles are filled with the highlights of our lives, and we have become quite skilled at controlling what others see.

But genuine friendship requires something very different. It requires vulnerability. It requires transparency.

I know I’ve felt at times that vulnerability was simply too costly. How could I manage what people thought about my strengths if I allowed them to see my weaknesses?

And so, I performed myself into being regarded highly. But at what cost? At the cost of being seen and known in the ways that were necessary for God’s will to be made manifest in my life.

If we spend so much time pretending to be someone, then the people who are meant for us cannot find us.

"If we spend so much time pretending to be someone, then the people who are meant for us cannot find us."

Sometimes our ambitions begin shaping how we approach relationships. We evaluate people based on what they can contribute to our success, how they might advance our opportunities, or whether their proximity adds something desirable to our lives.

Friendship becomes another form of social currency. But what a hollow version of friendship that is compared to what the Lord has intended for us!

Biblical friendship is loving. It is edifying. It provides accountability. It bears the fruit of obedience to God. And if we desire that kind of friendship, we have to be willing to let people know us.

Not everyone needs access to every intimate detail of our lives. Wisdom and discernment are necessary. But when God provides opportunities for genuine, trustworthy relationships, we cannot continually hide behind a performance and expect to experience the intimacy we desire.

Making Space in Real Life

Now, let’s be real. How do any of us actually have time for these kinds of relationships?

Because life is full already!

As a wife, mother, artist, and business owner, there are days when looking at my calendar feels like trying to solve a jigsaw puzzle.

Between marriage, motherhood, work, and the ordinary responsibilities of life, time can feel like a scarce resource. And I don’t believe good friendship requires us to pretend otherwise.

There has to be a level of maturity that recognizes people have lives, responsibilities, and seasons that demand different things from them. Still, we cannot expect meaningful relationships to flourish without investing anything into them.

But the Lord can do a lot with our little. And I’ve found that good friendships can be sustained through even the smallest intentional efforts.

Sometimes that means honoring a longstanding lunch date or maintaining a text thread when life doesn’t allow everyone to be physically present.

Sometimes it means making the effort to show up when there’s a part of you that would rather cancel.

I’ve personally witnessed ordinary lunches, gatherings, and conversations become opportunities for genuine freedom. Not because we planned some extraordinary spiritual encounter, but because we made ourselves available to one another. And the Lord met us there.

Giving Our Friendships Back to God

Scripture tells us in 1 John 4:19 that we love because God first loved us. Everything good that I have ultimately comes from Him. And as I’ve grown in Christ, I have learned, and I’m still learning, to surrender everything back to Him.

My marriage, children, aspirations, gifts, and plans… And yes, even my friendships.

We may have ideas about what we want friendship to look like. Maybe we want people to travel with, laugh with, enjoy good food with, and simply have a good time. And there is absolutely nothing wrong with that!

But I’ve also had to recognize that the Lord has purposes for my relationships that extend far beyond what I initially imagined. And if He is the One who has graciously brought these people into my life, then who am I to dictate the limits of what He can accomplish through our friendship?

In surrender to God’s will, and with a true desire to steward what He’s given me, I began to ask myself: Lord, what would You have us do together?

It’s a question that has caused me to think more deeply about what biblical community actually looks like. As I continue to grow in the Lord, I find myself returning to the book of Acts again and again.

Acts 2:42 tells us that the early believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, fellowship, the breaking of bread, and prayer. Their togetherness wasn’t incidental.

It was part of how they lived out their faith.

I’m grateful for the people God has placed in my life. I’m grateful for the ways He’s used them to sharpen me, encourage me, correct me, and remind me of who He is.

And I’m excited to see what He continues to do as I surrender even these precious relationships back into His hands.

Be Encouraged. 

Community is God’s idea, and being known by people who genuinely love us is a beautiful gift. Although meaningful relationships require a willingness to be vulnerable, what we experience through them can be deeply fulfilling. And ultimately, godly friendship is another expression of the Lord’s love and kindness toward us, a gift we have the privilege of extending to one another.

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LaNell Grant is married to the love of her life (Cory), is a mother of three, and is an award-winning music producer and artist. She serves faithfully in local ministry in Houston, Texas.